The Bertie Project by Smith Alexander McCall

Author:Smith, Alexander McCall [Smith, Alexander McCall]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humour, Contemporary, Adult, Mystery
ISBN: 9781846973598
Amazon: 1846973597
Goodreads: 30624772
Publisher: Polygon An Imprint of Birlinn Limited
Published: 2016-01-01T08:00:00+00:00

You’ve Got Great Contours

Bemused but not unwilling, Bruce accompanied Clare to a shop on Princes Street that she said was just the place “for what we need.”

“You said it was for what I need,” Bruce pointed out.

“Same thing, Bruce,” said Clare. “You, me—we’re an item, aren’t we? What you wear reflects on me.”

“And vice versa?” asked Bruce.

Clare was thoughtful. “Possibly. Not that I like being arm candy, if you don’t mind.”

“And yet…” He left his reservation unfinished. There was something about Clare that discouraged argument, and yet this did not really diminish his enthusiasm for her. She was…what was the word? Spirited? Yes, that was it. It was something to do with her being Australian, he thought. Scottish girls were all very well, but they could be a bit given to looking on the negative side. It was something to do with cultural expectations of being miserable. Australians had that optimistic, can-do approach that he found so refreshing.

He would not have agreed to being led off to Princes Street by a Scottish girl; until the advent of Clare, he would never have so much as considered letting somebody choose his jeans. But now, like some neutered suburban male, dragged off by a domineering wife to buy a cardigan, Bruce agreed to follow Clare into the retail no-man’s-land of Princes Street—the home of bland chain stores, places of mirrors and glass and materialism.

She seemed to know where she was going and they stopped outside a shop that announced itself simply as M*N.

“What does the * stand for?” asked Bruce.

Clare looked up at the sign. “Oh, I don’t think that means anything,” she said. “It’s just a cool name for a shop.”

Bruce was not convinced. “I think it might be E,” he said. “As in MEN.”

Clare was unconvinced. “Oh, I don’t think so,” she said. “You don’t want to read too much into these things.”

“They’ve got a good selection of jeans in this place,” she said, as they stood at the entrance to a shop at the west end of the street.

They went inside. Clare seemed to know her way about, and led Bruce to a rack on which pairs of blue denim jeans were displayed. Tight fit, proclaimed a sign.

“Intimate question, Bruce,” said Clare. “What’s your waist measurement?”

Bruce gave her the figure. “I’m 34 inches,” he said.

“Right,” said Clare. “32.”

Bruce corrected her. “No, 34.”

Clare shook her head. “We’re not talking about comfort here, Bruce,” she said. “And denim gives. You need to get a slightly smaller size so that the material can mould to your shape.”

“I thought denim shrank,” said Bruce.

“It both shrinks and gives,” said Clare. She selected a pair of jeans and handed them to him. “We’ll try these to start.”

Clare led Bruce to a fitting room.

“Give them to me,” he said. “I’ll go and try them on.”

“Oh, we’re all coy all of a sudden, are we?” said Clare. “I’ll help you.”

Bruce looked embarrassed. “I can do it myself.”

Clare shook her head. “You’re going to need help,” she said.

He did not argue, but followed her meekly into the cubicle.

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